5 part paragraphs

Over most of the time when you guys were doing the paragraph readalouds I was in Leavenworth. However, I was here long enough to listen to a couple of them. From the couple that I saw, I noticed that we needed to work on our transitions. Most papers were very good, and would have been almost perfect with just a little more thought on the transitions. From seeing all of those other papers I can say that the best kinds of topic sentences, or paragraphs in general, were the ones that were written by people who had revised it and changed it many times. The people with good paragraphs had at least five different drafts and that's how you can tell which paragraphs were good or not and how to make a good one.
According to my critiques I had a unique topic but weak transitions, I also said "I" a lot. All of the negative things about my paper that I heard, I realized after hearing other people read their papers. If I would have read over it a couple more times I would have caught those mistakes and gotten a better grade. I also had a lot of plot summary. So on my next 5 part paragraph I will definitely look at and apply the criticism next time and hopefully it will be better.